The secret of joy is the mastery of pain.
– Anais Nin
I know this is a strange thing to be grateful for, but I truly am thankful for anger and rage. I think many people dismiss this emotion,thinking that its to abrasive and destructive, but sometimes its necessary to get upset, to get mad as hell. I am the type of person who swallows everything, if I’m mad at you, I swallow the anger and continue with my day. You disappointed me, I’ll swallow the disappointment and go on with my day. You upset me in one way or another, I swallow that upset and go on with my day. You lie to me once or continuously, I swallow that lie and go on with my day. I think you get the point. I swallow so much bullshit, that my body fills with negativity and I begin to hurt, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I then replay all these wrong doings over and over and over again trying to make sense of it all. I make myself wrong, I make the other person wrong, and before I know it I feel like I’m going to explode like a volcano. I call it my Pele being over due, and boy do I explode, but sometimes I don’t let it all out, and end up swallowing the venom all over again.
As an enlightened and transformed person, I thought I wasn’t allowed to feel my anger or rage. That I could control this manifestation by simply ignoring it; this is not the case. Because I am enlightened and transformed I can feel the anger and rage, “vomit” it out of me like the demon it is, kick and scream, yell obscenities, then accept it for what it is, and move forward. Stuffing doesn’t do anything, its just stuffing. It makes you feel worse. Its like drinking the venom and waiting for others to die. You die a painfully slow death, when all you had to do was acknowledge it, accept it for what it was, scream and yell, then move on.
I decided to embrace my anger, regarding a racket I had around a falling out with two friends. For so long I was trying to be the “good” person, the girl who understood, the enlightened and transformed one, the one who forgave all transgressions, but the problem was, I was being inauthentic about the entire thing. I was mad as hell, and I couldn’t take it anymore. As I walked my dog last night I had it with being “righteous” and decided to have a hissy fit! “How dare they…. and who the F*** do they think they are… I can’t believe I wasted so much…” and so on and so forth. It was so liberating, and all the animosity I held, all the anger, all the guilt, shame, blame, rage and anger I had held on to for so long, was gone. I had finally purged myself, and I felt so much better. I had been holding these emotions in for years, and oh how great it felt to get it out of my body and I am finally at peace.
So get angry! Shout! Curse! Flail your arms in the air. It makes you a more balanced person, because you won’t be holding on to so much crap. Let it go, its no good to keep. Embrace your inner Pele, its ok to erupt every once in awhile in order to make things shiny and new once again.
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